Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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