So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
