You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
