I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
