just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
