super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
