Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
