these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
