UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
