ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
