Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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