I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
