I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
