She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
