she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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