She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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