guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
