Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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