waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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