How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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