can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
