can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
