Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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