What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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