Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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