The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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