Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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