So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The power of my boobs compel you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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