i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
