ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
