and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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