Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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