So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
