Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
