I must be too annoying 4 u.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm like, not good at living.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
