...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
