is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
