I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish my penis had a tongue
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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