i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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