break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
