dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
