Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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