I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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