Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
