And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
