Please, let me fuck your mom
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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