so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
