JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you had me at cake vodka
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
