i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
