so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
