didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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